8x.roast
01 · The pitch

Roast my
LinkedIn

We read your posts, count what you would rather nobody counted, and hand it back as six cards. Every number comes out of your own feed. Nothing is invented.

Roast meFree · two minutes
02 · The deckSix cards, picked for this profile

The set is not fixed. It is chosen from what your feed actually supports, so a card with nothing behind it is never drawn. This one earned The Poem.

  • THE VERDICT card from the sample roast
    THE VERDICT
  • THE NUMBERS card from the sample roast
    THE NUMBERS
  • THE POEM card from the sample roast
    THE POEM
  • THE DIAGNOSIS card from the sample roast
    THE DIAGNOSIS
  • THE SCORECARD card from the sample roast
    THE SCORECARD
  • THE GLOW-UP card from the sample roast
    THE GLOW-UP
03 · How it runs
  1. 01

    Connect

    Paste a public LinkedIn profile. Yours, or somebody who has it coming.

  2. 02

    Analyze

    We read every post and count the hooks, the line breaks, the silences, and what actually got a reaction.

  3. 03

    Roasted

    You will read it once, feel seen, and publish it within the hour. Everybody does.